NBA All-Lame Weekend

Vince Carter going elbow deep.. Jason Richardson 360 between the legs behind his head. Michael Jordan from the free throw line and then sideways. Dee Brown not looking. Isiah Rider through his legs. These were the days that people would get together and sit down excited to watch the Slam Dunk contest. Now, I would guess that the majority of you reading this did not even know this weekend was All-Star weekend in the NBA. Well, it is, but is there anything to get excited about? The short answer: No.

Friday Night: 

7:00pm Celebrity All Star Game

Here is your chance to sit around and watch "B" and "C" list celebrities try to extend their 15 minutes of fame by showing off their basketball skills! I bet you are intrigued now. Tune in this year to watch the tripod of mildly popular singers Common, Ne-Yo and Trey Songz play basketball against "famous" individuals such as   Arne Duncan, the secretary of Education (that title just screams athleticism), Josh Hutcherson and John Schriffen, ABC News Correspondent. That's right folks, ESPN could not even expand beyond the Disney family to get players, so they chose Schriffen. Gatorade to anyone that can correctly name one story this man broke and pick which of these two he may be.

                                             

9:00pm Rising Stars Challenge

After finishing up that exhilarating Celebrity All Star Game on ESPN switch channels over to TNT and prepare yourself for the next generation of NBA superstars. Oh wait, there are like 5 true superstars in the NBA so prepare yourself for a few good players and then about 18 random Rookies and second year players. Yes, you will get to see Kyrie Irving (actually is becoming one of the NBA superstars) but you will also be forced to watch much less qualified basketball players. The twist this year to make it more appealing to fans is that it is Team Shaq vs Team Chuck. Just what we all want to see....

Saturday Night:

8:30 pm

This used to be the mecca of all All Star evenings but recently has fallen off the table. 

Shooting Star Challenge

Last season this involved teams from different cities that included an NBA player, WNBA player and a legend, which was not a bad idea and actually worked out pretty well. This year, they have decided to put teams together with no regard for common sense or logic. One team, known as Team Westbrook, has Russell Westbrook, Robert Horry, and Maya Moore. Maybe I just do not see it, but what connection do those three possibly have together? It makes no sense.

To make things worse, and more confusing, the game in which the four teams involved play is strange. There are spots on the floor that each team must shoot from to advance and then the top two teams compete to see who can do it again the fastest. This is a very boring game and seems to be making less and less sense each season. 

Taco Bell Skills Challenge

Ever wanted to sit around on a Saturday night and watch NBA players dribble, pass and shoot lay ups with no one playing defense? If you answered Yes, then this is the competition for you! I will assume that the completion of the course is harder than it appears but TNT and the NBA really expect us to get excited about watching top flight athletes do things that guys at the YMCA on a Wednesday night could do? 

Foot Locker Three Point Contest

I must admit that I have never been a fan of the three point contest and here is why: If you are an NBA player that is recognized as a good three point shooter, shouldn't you be able to make wide open 3's the majority of the time? Why is this supposed to be impressive? If the NBA wants to make this more fun they should make the balls either frozen or extra hot or force players to shoot threes while a clown on a tricycle rides around them in circles. I would also tune in if all other competitors were allowed to pelt the shooter with eggs while they shot, or something along those lines. The idea that it is exciting to watch professional shooters shooting open threes is like thinking its exciting to watch the local bag boy try to put your groceries into a bag within a 60 second time limit. 

Sprite Slam Dunk Competition

Gerald Green, Terrance Ross, James White, Eric Bledsoe, Jeremy Evans, Kenneth Faried

Are you kidding my NBA? You love social media and fan interaction, why not let the fans vote on who they want to see in the Slam Dunk contest as opposed to throwing in nobodies and a guy who is 30! This used to be the greatest competition where the biggest stars of stars would show up to show off their ridiculous jumping skills and creativity. That all went away as soon as they allowed Chris "Birdman" Andersen to try to complete his first dunk approximately 22 times! One of the great traditions, of not only All-Star weekend, but the NBA is quickly becoming the worst thing to watch on TV. There is no creativity anymore and there is no big name stars participating.With that said, I will take James "Flight" White in this competition despite him being half way to 60! That's how bad this lineup really is. 

Sunday Night

8:00pm All-Star Game

Is it cool to see all the best NBA players on one floor at the same time? Yes.
Is it fun to watch all the high light reel dunks of the players who refused to participate the previous night in the dunk contest? Yes. 
Can you sit through the entire team and not be bored? No.

The lack of defense and excessive alley-ops eventually become stale and it is no different than watching a high school open gym where all anyone wants to do is score as opposed to playing actual basketball.


Maybe some day we will get to see the NBA All-Star weekend rise back up to the heights it was at in the 80's but until then I will remain bitter that I was not born until 1989.